Thursday, January 17, 2013

Living Between and Thugs and Gays

I spent a few days in December in Tampa, FL.

At first I relished the thought of warm weather. But when presented with 80F and 150% humidity I started to sweat. After two days a cold front blew in, and the 65-73F temps were welcome.

When I travel I pick hotels based on proximity to brewpubs, so I can walk back from the brewpub to the hotel without worrying about a DUI. Not to say that I am quite intoxicated ... there is a large gap between "too much to drive" and "enough to affect my next day". So in this case, I found the New World Brewery and Tampa Bay Brewery blocks from the Hampton Inn of Ybor City, which is five miles from the customer.

My first impression of the area was "this looks like a nice place", sort of like 23rd in Portland, except that the place was deserted. Just a lot of Christmas lights and lots of shops. Maybe 75F was too cold for them ... never mind the signs claiming this is a historic district.

On the way to my customer I passed through da 'hood. The police were having a shootout so they detoured traffic around it. Ohhhhh kaaaaay. When I arrived at the customer, they confirmed it is a "rough neighborhood" I was sandwiched between the thuggy part of Ybor and the Gay part of Ybor ... or "GaYbor" as the locals call it. He said I should be OK as long as I don't waltz around on the weekend, as I might "get picked on".

Thus, I took the hotel shuttle to Tampa Bay Brewing. That was kind of stupid, because it took 45 minutes for the shuttle to arrive and then it took me four blocks. They had a good Barleywine, the rest all tasted the same. I walked the four blocks back to the hotel, carrying my big honking Clive Barker book. I can't imagine any gay person would pick on anyone reading Clive Barker ... but if they are a thug, I could jettison the ballast and sprint. Considering that most of the people here are overweight and smoke big-ass cigars, I've got an edge.

Next night I tried New World Brewery, and stashed some sacrificial cash into a pocket so if I get mugged the 1.5 blocks to the brewery, they would get $5 and a credit card.

The New World Brewery was great! An intimate courtyard, and lots of guest  (primarily Belgian) Christmas brews, on tap. I chatted a while with the owner, and enjoyed the $5 plate of BBQ chicken and the live music ... which was a duet, a guitars and vocals, doing covers like Danzig's "Mother". Interesting. It really feels like Portland. And I didn't even get mugged on the way back....

Next day for lunch I seek out Urban Spoon, which lists Sonny's Sandwich Shop as nearby. I go there, notice it is squarely in 'da hood, and pass it by to find Brocatos'. Had half of a GREAT Cuban sandwich there, before heading back to the client and noticing a few squad cars and police in bullet-proof vests around Sonny's. I think I dodged a bullet! Literally! I mentioned this to my customer, and he said Brocato's is on the edge of da 'hood but the owner has no compunctions about jumping out from behind the counter with a sawed-off shotgun when they try to rob him, and until the "Stand Your Ground" law was passed, he was regularly in trouble for protecting his restaurant, employees and cash. Welcome to Tampa, a shit-hole equal to Philadelphia.

So what did I do that night? I ate the rest of my Cuban, left most of my money in the room and walked over to the New World Brewery, had a couple more awesome Belgian brews. And then ... out of nowhere, 20+ bicyclists descended on the brewpub, had a beer, and left. Weird.

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